


project dumbass

by golden_geese



Series: mac and dennis taking care of each other [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, also ive been thinking about writing a fic that has to do with dee being institutionalized?, if ur interested in that let a binch know, its mostly just Dennis Thoughts, the bastard man is actually the stupid one tbh, this is dumb btw hardly anything even happens, we're in the range rover folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_geese/pseuds/golden_geese
Summary: mac gets banged up. dennis comes to the rescue.





	project dumbass

**Author's Note:**

> anon request; mac and dennis taking care of each other part 2. not necessary to read part 1.

Dennis yawns. Glances at his watch. Considers taking a nap.

He changes the channel for the millionth time. Nothing. He doesn’t want to watch shows about baking cookies or doctors being dramatic or housewives yelling at each other. 

When his phone buzzes, he’s almost relieved. He quickly answers it. “Hey, Charlie.”

“Hey, uh, so, Mac’s, like-- you sure you don’t want an ambulance bro? Mac like, is bleeding, and stuff.”

He frowns. Turns the TV off. Stands up for some reason. “What do you mean?”

“Yeah, he’s like, I was helping him film a Project Badass tape and he ended up, uhh, getting dragged across the sidewalk on the back of a motorcycle, and all. So he’s all scraped up and he’s bleeding.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I dunno,” Charlie says. “I mean, I cleaned up the puddles of blood he tracked through the bar, and like, I’m kinda tired? I don’t really wanna drag him to the hospital or whatever? So if you could come do it that would really be super.”

“Alright,” he sighs. “Whatever. I’m on my way. Put pressure on the wounds, okay, asshole?”

“Yeah, man, you got it.”

He hangs up. Mac is _so_ stupid, he’s the stupidest fucking person Dennis has ever met, his _hubris_ is _astounding_ \--

But he puts shoes on and grabs his keys and a towel for the blood. He heads to his car. 

Mac has never made one single goddamn smart choice in his entire life, Dennis thinks as he pulls out of his parking spot. At every turn Mac uses bullshit logic and does bad science and wears those stupid muscle tees. Really, Dennis thinks as he flicks on his turn signal, it’s a miracle Mac isn’t dead by now. Project fucking Badass. He should call his dumb home movies Project Dumbass.

When they were fifteen, he watched Mac steal a car and crash it into a chain link fence. He’d gone to the hospital with Mac and made up some elaborate story about a hit-and-run and a crazy threesome he and Mac had just been. Sat there as Mac got ten stitches and iced his bruises. Stolen his dad’s checkbook and forged his signature to pay Mac’s hospital bill when it arrived the next week. No, Dennis reasons, Mac is stupid-- has always been stupid, and will always be stupid.

Seven cars in front of him at the red light. Dammit. Hopefully Mac isn’t bleeding too bad. Hopefully Charlie turned his brain on for a minute and got pressure on whatever sidewalk-motorcycle-idiot wound Mac had gotten. 

Just a couple years ago, Mac and Charlie faked their deaths-- crashed Dee’s car into a wall, left behind a suicide tape and a handful of Charlie’s teeth. The second his stupid sister told him they were dead, Dennis went numb. Shut down. Pretended all he cared about was being left out of their suicide pact. Turned into a perfect clone of himself; didn’t even allow himself to feel the relief that washed over him when he realized the whole thing was some stupid scheme. Tried, deliriously, to find someone anonymous to stick his dick into. Something to make him feel, at least for a second. 

That little scheme-- his best friend in the whole world convincing him, even for a little while, that he was dead-- ruined his ability to feel things for… he doesn’t even know how long. Doesn’t remember what finally snapped him back. Dennis just remembers staring at the wall; running a thumb tack down his arm to see if he could make himself cringe; downing shot after shot, beer after beer, cigarette after cigarette. For days, emptiness thumped evenly through his consciousness. It took him a long time to realize it was just his heartbeat.

Fuck Mac, he reasons as he drives down the street. Fuck him and his schemes. Fuck him and his fake injuries and real injuries and blood and the way his soft brown eyes slant down and fill with warmth. Fuck him.

(Traffic is bad. This is taking too long. Charlie’s reaction is no indicator of Mac’s state-- the guy could have one tiny cut or he could be bleeding out on the sidewalk.)

(No, Dennis remembers. Charlie mentioned they were in the bar.)

He exhales hard through his nose.

Dee probably isn’t even there. She’s probably out trying to find a sugar daddy or smoking crack without him (Dennis could go for some crack) or joining a pyramid scheme to sell leggings. Useless. He rolls his eyes so hard it almost hurts. _Useless_. Sometimes he’s just absolutely shocked that they’re family, let alone siblings, let alone twins. And he’s even more shocked that, for all thirty-five or so of their years, they’ve pretty much been together.

Other than the time she got locked up for, you know, setting her roommate on fire. Other than the several months he didn’t bother visiting her in the mental rehabilitation facility. Other than that.

(He misses the green light. Gets stuck for a second red. God dammit.)

He sets his jaw. For less than a second-- maybe an eighth of a second-- he almost feels bad about never visiting Dee while she was locked up. He almost wonders what it would be like for him if the roles were reversed. If he were locked up for nearly a year and his twin sister didn’t bother visiting. 

Not like he and Dee haven’t destroyed each other enough anyway. Whatever.

And, of course, Charlie is also useless. Copping out of caring for his best friend. Typical. More worried about a little blood on the bar floor than Mac’s wellbeing. Probably doesn’t have two brain cells bumping around in his hollow head.

(Finally, Dennis has right of way. He hits the gas a little harder than necessary; lurches forward. Around the corner. Another goddamn red light.)

And Frank? If he is or isn’t there it wouldn’t make a difference. He probably hates Mac anyway. He definitely hates Dennis; he’s made that perfectly goddamn clear. And Dennis-- Dennis hates the fuck out of Frank. Gets the urge, at least once every day, to punch the guy. To throw an empty beer bottle at him. To push him off his bar stool. He’d told Mac and Charlie that letting Frank hang around was a terrible idea, and he was right-- all Frank does is use people up and then toss them aside. 

Dennis hates Mac too, he reasons. Can’t really remember why, but knows he must. Mac is stupid. Mac thinks quadruple-stuffed-Oreos exist because when Dennis eats Oreos, he twists two cookies open and puts the sides attached to the frosting together, leaving the manipulated creations in the container for Mac since Dennis just wants the crunchy cookie part. Mac is gullible. Mac is lazy. Mac is an idiot. 

The sun is in his eyes. He scoffs at it, grabbing at the sun visor to block some of the obnoxious brightness. 

“Drive, you fucking moron,” he mutters under his breath, honking at the white Subaru in front of him, which is going maybe two miles per hour. 

The Subaru driver doesn’t react. Goddamn idiot. Dennis honks again.

He has to hate Mac, right? Because Mac might actually be the dumbest idiot on the planet. He’d be crazy not to hate the dumbest idiot on the planet.

Finally, he gets to Paddy’s. Slides into a parallel park; jaywalks to the bar; lets himself in.

“Where’s Mac?” He asks Charlie impatiently.

“Back office,” Charlie answers, gesturing with his broom and nearly poking a customer in the ass.

Peanut shells fucking everywhere. Is Charlie even actually sweeping? Whatever.

He shoves the office door open. Mac, splotched with dry blood, holding a bag of ice to his face, leaning back in the desk chair.

“Hey, Den.”

“You’re fine,” Dennis huffs, crossing his arms.

“Huh?”

“Charlie called me and told me you were in a bad accident and you were bleeding all over the place.”

“Oh.” Mac shifts the ice pack. “Nah, I’m fine. Just a little banged up.”

“He said you were dragged across the sidewalk by a motorcycle.”

“Well-- yeah, I was, but the thing is, it was only goin’ around ten miles per hour.”

Dennis exhales sharply. “He told me I needed to come take you to the hospital.”

“You came all the way here to take me to the hospital? Aw, Dennis, that is _so_ sweet!”

Dennis scoffs. “Alright. Whatever. I’m going home. Are you coming?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, man. Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if u enjoyed this!!! and follow golden-geese.tumblr.com :) thanks for reading!!!


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